How to Survive an Early Morning Videoconference When You Have Overslept
Original image from Marcus Aurelius on Pexels.
1. Delay, delay, delay
Even under normal circumstances, you never want to be the first person to a videoconference, which indicates you’re not busy enough (especially if it’s your meeting). You should have at least one or two minutes to quickly make yourself presentable as the early birds log on and chat mindlessly.
2. Make sure camera is off.
Do not under any circumstances join the conference on-camera while brushing you teeth, with bed-head, while shaving, or in your pajamas. Keep camera off until you’re presentable. Repeatedly say “Can you see me, because I can’t see you!” as you hurriedly shave or put on make-up. After a minute or so this will become incredibly annoying, so move on to the next steps.
3. Fake a technical issue.
Using your phone, find a video of static on the Web. Turn your camera and mic on. Hold the phone up to the camera and play the static as you finish buttoning your shit and combing your hair while claiming technical trouble. Similarly, you can play audio of screaming children (use your own, pre-recorded, or grab Web video) to gain a few precious minutes while you apologetically “deal with the kids.” Repeatedly shout “Mommy’s in a meeting” from the bathroom. (This may not work if you’re childless.)
4. Use blinding backlight.
Sit directly in front of a window, with light streaming in from behind your head. This will wash out the video feed and obscure your disheveled appearance. Remember, keeping the computer close means you need only look decent from the neck up.
Be ready for a know-it-all colleague to recognize this trick and suggest that you adjust your position.
5. Fake a coughing or sneezing fit.
Excuse yourself and run to the bathroom to freshen up.
6. Fake a spill.
Since the table where you’re sitting won’t be visible, say “Damn, I just spilled my coffee!” and run to the bathroom to finish getting ready. For added realism say “Ow, it’s hot, and I don’t have any pants on!” which should provoke some laughter.