How to Pad Your Resume
With millions of people out of work due to the pandemic and shutdown, it may be necessary to revisit your resume when looking for new work. With that in mind, we offer the following tips with regard to this process.
Be descriptive and creative.
Employ uncommon action verbs to describe your qualifications and experience. Instead of “worked” say “coordinated, organized, and directed.” Consult a thesaurus to avoid repetition.
Exaggerate job experiences.
Describe your previous jobs in the most sophisticated language you can. No job is unimportant--if you worked the drive-thru lane at a fast-food restaurant, state that you “interacted with a diverse client base in a fast-paced environment.” Utilize the following euphemisms, or create your own accordingly:
Fry Cook “Sous-chef in a popular lunchtime venue”
Grocery Clerk “Essential worker responsible for order fulfillment”
Lawn Boy “Professional landscaper for private clients”
Waiter “Client relations manager”
Babysitter “Child development consultant”
Retail Clerk for the Gap “Sales associate in the garment industry”
Lifeguard “Health and safety supervisor”
Warehouse worker “Inventory control manager”
Exotic Dancer “Personal and couples therapist”
Politician “Waste management supervisor”
Quantify your experience.
Be as specific as possible about the level and amount of your work. Mention the number of clients/people you managed, interacted with, or assisted. Quantify the number of transactions you oversaw, and the size of the business (revenue-wise and otherwise). Mention leadership positions in all organizations, no matter how trivial.
Keep your resume to one page.
A single page looks solid and full and makes you appear more focussed and experienced. Reduce the type size, change the font, or adjust the margins to make it fit.
Provide strategic, not necessarily complete, information.
Highlight the highlights of your career, and leave off the lowlights.